eatto

grief and food February 20, 2011

I know most people don’t think about food when shit goes down. Some don’t want to eat at all or cannot stand the thought of preparing food. I panic and end up baking and cooking enough food for a small army. I switch from needing to feed two or three of us to needing to make sure everyone everywhere has something to eat whether they need or want it. I am ready. I have lasagna. I am prepared.

A very good and dear friend of ours suffered two massive brain anerysms on Thursday night. Everyone is just waiting. Grant keeps going to the hospital and hanging out there, but I have nothing to do. I don’t know what to do. I have to do something but there’s nothing to be done. How do you just keep on…… how do you “go about your business” as if nothing is wrong. How do you play peek-a-boo and chase and do stickers with a two year old when inside you are just devastated…

I mean. I guess you just do. And that’s all there is to it. You just do.

I’ve baked muffins and loaves and have food ready for at least four or five meals for 10- 20 people if anyone should feel like eating or hanging out here or need anything sent to the hospital.  Not that I expect anyone to. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Everyone is just waiting. Everything is very quiet. Phone conversations are all quiet. We speak quietly to each other. Everyone is just sitting around shaking their heads and trying to wish the whole situation away.

I feel entirely useless and not hungry at all.